Aloha Radio—the Kingdom of Hawai'i's national news arm—reports that the island nation's ruler, King Jonah Kuhio Kalaniana'ole, has awarded the prestigious Order of Ku Citation for Valor to noted air pirate Nathan Zachary! The medal, named for the Hawaiian god of war, has never before been given to someone from the mainland.

Zachary earned his medal during a fierce battle with a squadron of British "Balmoral" attack bombers that had invaded our sovereign territory. Though the British Ambassador has declined comment, many claim that Zachary's timely intervention prevented a British invasion of the lovely island Kingdom of Hawaii.

This encounter casts a dark shadow over the ongoing Pearl Harbor Talks over the proposed leasing of Hawaii's best deep-water port. The port is desired by most of the maritime powers of the Pacific, and representatives of Hollywood, Pacifica, the Empire State, the Maritime Provinces, and the British and Japanese Empires are attending the negotiations, but how long the British can remain in the running after this embarrassment is in question.